Sponsor, benefactor, blesser; these are some of the names that are thrown around freely among young people and even in social media spaces today.

All these names have great meanings if you go by the dictionary definition, but over time these words have been eroded and replaced with negative connotations when used in conversation in today's society.

On social media and on the streets of Nakuru and Kenya at large, it has almost become the new normal to see young women, mostly university students, walking with and even romantically holding hands with a man, two or three times their age.

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Whenever I come across such scenarios, a number of questions come to mind.

For example, what drives these young women to have a relationship with an older man, sometimes old enough to be their father? Is the relationship purely transactional or are there emotional ties? And how do they deal with the stigma of having a relationship with an older man and being seen with him in public?

I embarked on a fact-finding mission to find answers to my questions. My enquiries take me to a popular local university to talk to some of the students about why it has become fashionable to have a sponsor.

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I meet Stacy* and Ashley* who agree to talk to me about the issue.

Stacy, a third year finance student, says "I've had sponsors since my second year, they've helped me achieve and maintain the lavish lifestyle I see Instagram influencers living. I get to eat in fancy places and visit expensive tourist destinations that my peers can only dream of."

Ashley, a public relations graduate, says "I was a broke student on campus. I come from a single-parent family, so money was pretty hard to come by. When a flatmate offered me an easy way to get some pocket money, I took it and never looked back. Having a sponsor has enabled me to pay not only my school fees, but also those of my two siblings.I also opened a shop for my mother".

Psychologist Caroline Wanjiku Njuguna offers some insights into why it is easy for young people to fall into the "sponsors" trap.

"There are a number of reasons why young girls choose to get a sponsor, the most obvious being financial constraints. Daddy issues can also manifest themselves in this way. If a father is overly present or absent from a daughter's life, whether financially or emotionally, the girl will look for a way to fill the void, the most common way being an older man with money or influence," Ms Wanjiku said.

She also notes that having a sponsor has several effects on the young woman involved.

The most common effect is an unhealthy attachment to money rather than relationships; the young woman may also end up being romantically attracted only to older men.

Ashley says that since she started having a sponsor, she has been attracted to older men because of the security they represent.

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Stacy, on the other hand, says that she is only in the relationship for the money.

When asked how they deal with the stigma of being seen in public with older men, Stacy and Ashley give very different answers.

Ashley says that she is not embarrassed to be seen with older men. However, Stacy says that she is not a fan of the stares she gets when she is with older men. As a countermeasure, she only meets them in private.

diligenceodongo@gmail.com

Confessions of University students: Why we look for "sponsors"

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Diligence Odongo