Societal expectations about parenting have drastically shifted over the years despite low tones of resistance from traditional viewpoints.

Traditionally, women took a lead role in caring for their children, and men were viewed as subordinates when it came to parenting.

Now, 48-year-old John Kabete would tend to disagree, as his life took an unexpected turn six years ago when he became a single father and defied societal norms by taking on the primary caregiving role for his two children- now 25 and 19 years old.

Kabete’s life changed about six years ago when the mother of his children left for greener pastures overseas.

And although not said in many words, the hope of having a helper raise their kids and grow old together dimmed.

“Raising my kids proved tough,” Kabete reflects, his voice tinged with vulnerability. “To add to that, my daughter became a young mother due to peer pressure, and this really threw me off despite countlessly warning her.”

But fathers are expected to be strong and handle things, no?

He’s been tested many times, but the ultimate test came when his son threw a tantrum and set his clothes ablaze.

“One day, to my shock, my son, out of anger, burned my clothes. Like any parent, my first reaction was a mix of anger and feeling unappreciated by my children, prompting me to respond with tough love parenting,” he admits.

However, he soon realized that tough love wasn't the solution to his problem.

Instead, he opted to sit down with both of his kids to find a common ground and work together towards a solution.

While they worked it out inwardly as a family, his neighbours were not having it and sneered at his every effort with cutting words.

“My neighbours’ words have been hurtful, to say the least, but in all honesty, I think that parenting styles and family dynamics have changed tremendously over the years, necessitating fresh perspectives to change the way society views single parenting.”

“I'm a big believer in changing how society views single fathers. We must reach a point where we genuinely recognize that a father's love equals a mother's, and being a single parent does not make us any less functional as a parent,” he conveys.

We enquire to find if ever, through this journey, something has made him happy, and you can sense happiness in his voice, not out of spite but contentment.

“There’s no greater feeling than that of realizing your children still choose you. Despite their being difficult times, they still love me, and that in itself is fulfilling.”

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