In most cases, it goes like this: boy meets girl, the chemistry is electrifying, leading to a romantic relationship. Everything goes smoothly until one day you both get the surprise you are expecting your first child.

Because of the affection you feel for each other, you both decide to stick it out and embark on the journey of parenthood together.

But a few months or sometimes years after the baby's arrival, you both realise that raising a child together is not as easy as you had imagined.

This is where the rubber meets the road in most relationships, and the couple decides to end the romantic relationship and focus on co-parenting.

This phenomenon is the reason why it is now common to hear the words 'baby mama of baby daddy' used to refer to people who are not married to each other but who share a child.

At this particular stage, the situation between the two can either work or get messy.

When things get messy, the blame is usually put on the man, with the main reason being that the man is probably trying to avoid responsibility.

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But is this really the reason why they (men) sometimes refuse to commit or decide to leave the mother of their children? We spoke to a few men to get their perspective.

Jonah Njenga.

In many cases, men are not shirking their responsibilities with children, but rather distancing themselves from toxic relationships. This trend has led to an increase in baby mamas, as the men leave to seek healthier relationships.
Men are usually afraid to expose their vulnerability to the world, so before deciding to end a relationship they hold on and pretend that everything is okay, but behind closed doors they are weathering a storm with their wives. It all starts when women start comparing their relationship to what they see on the internet. That is when the toxicity begins. In the end, two people who should be at each other's side become enemies.

Nagging is a turn-off for us, but once in a while it is OK to give a hint, but not actually try to force someone to change into someone they are not. My relationship with the mother of my child also did not work for various reasons.

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Dennis Wahome.

Women tend to be surprised when we move on to another woman a few months after a break-up, what they do not realise is that sometimes the process can start while we are still in a toxic relationship that is not working. We give our partners endless chances and after some time, if we are not able to settle our differences, we heal while still in the relationship, making it easy to move on when the relationship ends.
We hardly act with our emotions, but with the reality of life. As much as some women believe that we are complicated, the truth is that we are not. If a man gets a woman who is not judgmental and does not make a lot of demands, he is likely to settle down.
We leave for our own sanity and for the sake of the child not to grow up in a toxic environment.

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This does not mean that we are neglecting the child. If I am the one who fathered the child, I will definitely take care of it. But sometimes you may find yourself in a situation where the baby's mother holds a grudge against you that she is not willing to let go of, and for no reason decides to be malicious and deny you the right to see your child, only demanding that you send money.
I do not mind providing for my child, but I would also like to be given a chance to be in their life without the mother dragging the child into our affairs.

mandikizella@gmail.com

Why men leave their baby mamas

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