Parents play a crucial role in a child's life as they are a child's first contact with the world.

This relationship is very important as it has a huge impact on a child's social, emotional, physical and mental wellbeing and development.

But what happens when this parent-child relationship goes wrong?

I have spoken to young people from different parts of Nakuru who have strained relationships with their parents.

Most of these conversations revealed toxic parenthood as the main cause of strained relationships between parents and their children who are in their 20s.

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Michelle Nduati, 26, reveals that she barely speaks to her parents as a way of protecting herself emotionally. She has also decided not to have children of her own.

"As the first born, my parents always expected a lot from me. Whenever I failed to meet their expectations, they would punish me by beating me, making me go to bed hungry or locking me out of the house for a few minutes at night," said Michelle.

John Thuku, 21, says that his parents always threatened to throw him out of the house if he did not behave as they expected. As a result, he has become a people-pleaser who avoids confrontation at all costs.

"Growing up, my parents would constantly remind us that they were our parents and not our friends; a statement that has carried over into our adult lives," the third-year engineering student reveals.

In my interest to play devil's advocate, I spoke to a parent to get their side of the story.

My search leads me to Julian Akinyi, a mother of five, who describes her parenting style as 'authoritarian'.

As she tells her story to Mtaa Wangu, Julian reveals that she too grew up in an authoritarian household where what her parents said was the law.

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"I do not have a personal relationship with my children because from my past experiences and what I know, I am supposed to be their parent and not their friend," she said.

When asked if she would like to have a different relationship with her children, she says: "I wouldn't know where to start as my children have already put up walls. It would be awkward for both parties to try and build a relationship after all these years."

But what exactly is toxic parenting?

Caroline Njuguna, a counsellor and therapist, sheds some light on the subject, saying that although there's no overarching definition of toxic parenting, it involves raising children in a negative environment where parents use abuse (verbal/physical), guilt (psychological blackmail) or emotional rejection, resulting in children constantly experiencing fear, judgement and ultimately trauma.

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Caroline Njuguna notes that all hope is not lost for Julian Akinyi and other parents like her.

"No matter how old your children/parents are, it is never too late to repair the relationship. Take the time to acknowledge that you have been hurt in the past and try to talk it through with the parties involved. Remember that the reception won't always be warm, but don't stop trying to mend the relationship," says Ms Njuguna.

Toxic parenting: Why many young people don't talk to their parents

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Diligence Odongo